Why We Bought Our Son “Girly” Gifts For His Birthday

Hiiii friends!! Yesterday was Noah’s second birthday!

We can’t believe he’s already two. My husband and I are just so obsessed with him!

We ended up not getting Noah a bunch of gifts for his birthday because we still haven’t gotten to all of his Christmas gifts, he’s getting more gifts from other friends + family, and we want to invest in memories and experiences more than just material items. Of course we still got him a few things to open on his birthday and a few of them may result in a raised eyebrow or two. They all share the same theme…

They’re all “girl” toys.

A baby doll. Twin mice dolls. A play pretend tea set.

And yes, all of these gift choices were intentional. I’ll explain… and I encourage you to read to the end before completely disregarding this post and thinking I’m ridiculous <3

Even before having my son, I was very aware of society’s gender roles + norms. I already knew I would be raising my son against the grain of how people typically raise their boys.

Crying would be okay. Playing with dolls or manicures would be okay. Being Elsa for Halloween would be okay. Cleaning, laundry + other household responsibilities would be expected {at age appropriate times}.

Although I’ve been very intentional about how I raise my son, he still somehow ended up with tons of sports balls, cars, trucks, dinosaurs, and tool sets.

Don’t get me wrong ~ there’s nothing inherently wrong with any of these toys and I’m so so grateful for anyone who thinks of my child and gets him a gift. But my issue lies in the fact that many parents will justify it and say “well that’s what he’s interested in and gravitates towards” ~ which is true. He loves basketballs and our dinosaur egg experiments.

But is he truly only interested in “boy” things or has he only been exposed to “boy” things?

For almost two years of my sons life, he’s never owned a doll or dress up toys. But if I had a daughter, I can guarantee you she would have been gifted and had dolls before she was even born ~ that’s my concern.

Boys aren’t only interested in trucks and cars and dinosaurs because that’s what they’re designed to be interested in ~ it’s what they’re exposed to.

Not only are there different types of toys for little boys and girls that continue to contribute to dangerous gender norms, but it’s what the kids do with the toys that should be alarming and eye opening.

With “girl” toys, they have dolls and play houses and dress up where often they play “house” or “teacher”. They learn to nurture, be a parent, care for someone/thing else. They learn to teach, to be gentle, and even learn meal time etiquette.

With “boy” toys they have trucks, guns, dinosaurs and “action figures” aka DOLLS.. but god forbid we call them that. What do lots of boys do with these toys? Make them fight, shoot each other and crash the cars. Again, let me reiterate that these toys are not inherently bad. Having dinosaurs and action figures fight or even die can be developmentally appropriate and can teach valuable lessons. But when this is the only thing boys are doing? That’s the issue.

Girls learn to nurture and boys learn aggression and we wonder why we have far too many men with toxic masculinity. I refuse to add another one to this world.

So for Noah’s birthday he received a gender neutral doll {a big part of why it took me so long to buy him a doll is because I couldn’t find a gender neutral one that didn’t have ultra creepy eyes lol}, cute lil twin mice in a match box, and a tea set.

Like any of his other toys and activities, he can choose whether he wants to play with them. But at least now he has a chance to.

I would never make my son carry around a doll or wear a dress simply to prove a point or to spite society. Absolutely not. But I want him to be able to make well rounded choices and know that he always has options. I don’t want my son to be put in a box at home and get into the real world and wonder why mom and dad hadn’t even given him a choice.

I understand that I may be alone in this philosophy, but I will die on this hill.

I couldn’t let myself or my husband perpetuate dangerous gender norms ~ also because tell me how doing laundry, cooking, or caring for a baby is a woman’s job?? Ultimate cringe y’all.

I can’t tell anyone else how to parent or how to think, but I do highly encourage you to think about the gender norms that may have been embedded in your mind and behavior. This isn’t about learning as much as it’s about unlearning.

It’s about us unlearning that boys need to be tough, that girls need to always be polite. It’s unlearning that wives are solely responsible for cooking and cleaning in our homes. It’s unlearning that womxn must bear children and men must only financially provide for the family.

We have a lot of work to do as a society, but I do believe we are heading in the right direction and I want to be a part of that!

I know I covered a topic that can be very controversial, but I hope you gained a bit more insight into why I choose to parent the way I do even in decisions that can seem small and unimportant such as toys.

That’s all I’ve got for ya for today!! <3

Sending you all the love + light.

xx, Laurena